becoming the disappointment

there's something about being a disappointment that really hurts. you can't find anything to make it right.
you have two decisions.
either way you will either hurt yourself or the ones you care about.
either way you can't win.
so which do you choose?
becoming the person you never wanted to be or become the person you dreamed of but have nobody there.
either way you ARE the disappointment.

alone

being alone hasn't bothered me in many years. but the only thing that I find is wrong with being alone is the fact that nobody is there to talk to you. I'm forced to think. maybe thinking is good for you but not when the only thing that comes to mind is death. I don't believe in killing myself, but when you don't have anyone to be there for you, you just think. your mind
goes off. so right now being alone is scaring me. I'm all alone

silence

at this time. the silence is bearable. my insides don't feel like breaking into tiny pieces that could be drifted through the air. all I can hear is the deep howling of my breath as I hide. behind the old oak. behind the meadow where my father was killed. silence tells me that I can finally take a deep breathe. silence tells me nobody is coming after me. the darkness is another thing. knowing that they can see me but I can't see them makes my imaginary run wild. two deep red eyes peering out behind another oak make my insides go insane. but I have to just close my eyes there. because there behind my eyes the darkness is welcomed.